DATE #942 NO FOLLOW THROUGH

Ok so I want to tell a little story about a guy I used to work with. Nice enough guy, normal. Blonde, older, in his thirties. Whateve. A guy.He liked me but I was going through a break up shit with adickless, gayish guy I was dating so I really wasn't feelin anything in the attraction department. Not saying that’s the reason why I wasn't into him, but when girls are getting out of other thingsit’s hard for us to see you, sorry guys. Ok so anyways Normal Magee calls me one night, afterwe had stopped working together.We had played phone tag a couple of times, phone tag being he called and I didn't call him back and then he called again. That's girl phone tag.On this night we actually did talk and he said we should get together for dinner or something. Very awkward date but not a date thing. That’s fine. So at the end of the talk he asks me for my email address (now this man is in his thirties mind you). I reluctantly give it to him knowing that is not a good sign. Here is our email trail. Read on to discover what not to do. And yes there is no doubt I'm going to Hell for full on cut and paste-ing his ass:

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hey,
Yeah, thanks for freaking me the hell out...just kidding, kinda. In any case, and just in case you didn't get the hint, the reason I was asking you out to dinner was...wait for it...I wanted to ask you "out." When I met you at the office, I was instantly attracted but didn't want to act on it because, well, we were working together. And I was/am feeling awkward about it. Wanted to just come out an say it on the phone tonight but there it is. I wasn't calling you to pump you for information, I just wanted to talk to you.
I just wanted to clear that up, if that makes you feel weird or anything, I completely understand. I just think that you are cool, smart, funny and yes, hot, and, well, nothing ventured, nothing gained and all that, right?
And if I've just made an idiot of myself, please feel free to say so. I'm sure I'll feel ashamed of myself in the morning.
-T

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

T,

No problem, I really enjoy inducing panic attacks...almost as much as I enjoy having them myself! Ok so now for the good stuff, wait for it, I knew you were asking me out on a date, and I said yes, I'm not that slow! But I should tell you that I just broke up with someone a couple of weeks ago and I'm still really dealing with that. We can go do something and get to know each other better but I do have a lot on my plate right now in all aspects of my life. I hope my neurotic email was on par with yours?

peace.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hey you,
O.k., so I guess I was pretty obvious. No problem, I totally understand your situation. I've been there. But yeah, it would be a cool to hang out sometime, no pressure or anything like that. You seem cool and a lot of fun. I promise no untoward advances.
Call me whenever you have some downtime and we'll make plans. It can just be for coffee even. I'm easy.
-T

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hey you yourself,

So I came back from home (which was such an awesome trip by the by). But yeah if you hear of something cool to do, let me know and we can hang out. How’s the crazy job by the way? Any good gossip?

peace.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's good to hear from you. We should catch up on all the gossip and stuff. Glad you had a good trip home. Maybe we can grab dinner one night soon? I still need to catch your show, too.
-T

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

sunday works 4 me.

peace.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cool, I'll call you. Sorry my earlier message was brief--I've been swamped.

-T

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

THEN HE NEVER CALLED, TUESDAY I GET AN EMAIL INTITLED "DANG"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hey,

I think I screwed this up, right? I can't remember how we left it regarding this past weekend. Were we supposed to get together Sunday? I got totally sidetracked w/ some family drama that I was trying to handle long distance. I suck.
Maybe we can give it another shot?
-T

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 And I would never ever go out with him after that, and he did blow it. And know that if you blow it with a chick the last thing she wants is another lame email. You should at least call her if you fuck it up this bad. Totally lame. Good thing I wasn't into him. I'm simply posting it as an example for my boys. Do Not Do.

Date #321 Case of the Charming Funny Guy

(With a points rating system for my own personal amusement)

CFG and I met 18 months ago. 2 different occasions of getting my number, numerous Myspace messages and one pseudo-date a few months ago got us to this point. He called on Wednesday to get my availability for this weekend, actually Myspace messaging me first that he was going to call. (+5 points) CFG picked me up at my place, calling the morning of- telling me to dress casual. I clarified: business casual or weekend casual? "Rent Working Girl, take anything from 45 minutes and on" he said, "or wear a pant suit." Now you see how hegets his title. (+ 3) Showed up wearing Designer Versace jeans. (-2) ... then clarified he got them off of EBay under "Jenas" (+2) Chatted with my roommates (+2) Made reservations at a place a friend of his recommended based on the specifications of the date, but also had back-up reservations in case I didn't like the place he chose (+ 10) Good lesson, gents-- ALWAYS have a back up! On the way, we talked about his career a lot (true, I asked) (-3), but then he pointed it out and said "Why don't we talk about my ex-girlfriends too?" (+3) and so we did. Good to point these things out to keep it light and fun* Said he did a dry-run to the restaurant earlier today (-1 for border-line desperate) but then took it back and said he was just "passing by" (+1) Valeted the car and didn't make me walk a mile in heels (+ 2) (I appreciate the little things) Doesn't know anything about wine

(-2) , but admitted it and insisted I got whatever I wanted(+2) .Said he would order beer (+2) but didn't (-2) .(+5) for finding a restaurant that let us draw with crayons on the table. We played Tic Tac Toe, wrote our names upside down (he misspelled his own name) and drew pictures. He kept "accidentally"elbowing our waiter in the balls. (no points, just funny anecdote) Ordered dessert with dinner, not making it a big deal cuz he knows girls like it, even though he doesn't really (+5) When the bill came, he joked "You got the halibut so you owe..." as he pulled out his wallet (+5) Had something planned after dinner (+5) but dinner took too long so we couldn't do it.

So we went to a bar instead. Exhibit A why having a back-up is a good idea I told him peppermint makes me sneeze, he stopped to buy gum to make me prove it. (another useless but amusing anecdote) On the way to the bar, he recited a song from "The Party" of MMC fame. (+7) At the bar, bought the drinks (+2) Kept the conversation flowing, everything from first kisses to Israel trips. Conversation seemed effortless; lots of laughs (+5) Came to my side of the table to IMDB Kellie Martin on his sidekick. Didn't believe me that she was on ER (really just another anecdote). Extra credit for only pulling out his sidekick in a necessary situation. Applied some chap stick... good, if not super-obvioussegue to The Kiss. (+5) Bumped my forehead with his glasses, but we laughed about it and there were no stitches needed, to my disappointment... I always wanted to be the cause of a big scene. (- 4. + 5) Texted me as he was driving me home "Had a nice time tonight... u r in my car (+ 5 for originality) We kissed for a while inhis car. Good kisser! I don't want to give anything away, but stay tuned for that topic. (-2) Opening the car door for me mid-kiss. "I get it, I'm leaving, god!" Asked when the appropriate time would be to call. Joked that we should go out November '08. (+5)

Rating: 70/75 Overall: Very very fun first date. A for effort and A for being relaxed and making me laugh!

Date #114 Manhattan Beach Bro

My friend, we will call her S., met a boy last Monday in Manhattan Beach. They were introduced through a mutual friend and although she was more attracted to his buddy, she thought she would give him a chance. She would give him a chance because his buddy wasn't giving her attention, sometimes this does happen guys. Manhattan Beach boy said he would meet up with her and her friends later at a bar. When he arrived they started talking and drinking and drinking. She thought, ok this guy is cute and I'm gonna go home with him, sometimes this does happen.


Her friends were staying in a house a few miles from his and she could always take a cab back if she wanted. But why would she? In lew of getting a DUI, Manhattan put S. on the handle bars of his bike and they road into the night. When they got to his house, which he shares with his 5 buddies a la frat, they went to his room and started making out. It was hot and heavy. She thought to herself, why not? So they had some pretty awesome S.E.X., according to S. In fact she almost reached a place she had never reached before but she got in her head about doing it with some bro from Manhattan Beach and saying that was her first time. Don't ask me, I don't get it either. Ok so they make some sex and get all sweaty so they take showers.


Afterwards he says he'll be right back. So she lies down in his frat boy bed and waits. 45 MINUTES!!! Later she gets dressed and tries to call a cab. She can't believe he left such a hot girl, (guys she is beautiful) naked in his bed. She doesn't want to walk upstairs because she is too embarrassed and she can't get reception on her cell. She's stuck. Then Manhattan comes in and asks her what she's doing. She says she's leaving. He asks her why and is shocked. She says he's been upstairs for 45 minutes and what the hell was he doing? He proceeds to tell her the unthinkable. The following words were actually uttered from this tool's mouth "There was a really good Simpson's episode on." She couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Why would you do that when you knew I was down here in your bed?" He thinks he's helping by saying. "Well there was a really good episode on, what was I supposed to do?" She feels her stomach dropping. He proceeds, in what I deem a fit of utter stupidity, to explain the episode to her. I mean here he has this hot babe in his room and he's talking about mother fucking MILLHOUSE? I mean you couldn't become more unattractive by the second if you were trying! So she tries to explain to him how weird it is and he goes to further explain the episode. She gives up. They quasi-cuddle and then roll over.


At 8:00am some bro throws the door open and starts screaming about how him and his friends are still drunk and were walking up and down the strip talking to girls. S. squeezes into a ball, virtually dying of embarrassment. The bro finally notices and begins drunk apologizing and saying he didn't know there was someone else in there. So Manhattan decides he should "ride" her home on his bike. Exhausted, rejected, neglected and hung over S. got on the handle bars and rode home. A few days later she got a text, not a call, from Manhattan. "It was nice meeting you on Sunday."

Date #436 ITT Tech-No

I met him at a club, which I am so against. A) I don't trust guys that go out clubbing in the first place to real Hollywood Clubs for no special occasion on a Saturday night. And B) I'm usually too drunk at clubs to have the best judgment, so I don't trust myself when I meet guys at clubs. But he seemed normal, andcute, in a department store mannequin sort of way. And ok, to tell the truth, I was bored. The club was so boring that I was really relieved when he came over to me and said "You know, you are the cutest girl in here". Not the best pick up line, but what can I say? I was bored. We talked for a while-- he was interesting (enough) and funny (especially after buying me a couple of drinks), so I gave him my number when he asked. He called the next day. I realized maybe I had more to drink than I thought I did when I noticed his name was in my phone twice. I must have really liked him the night before. Anyway, he called and asked me out for a Tuesday night date. Fast forward to Tuesday night. He picked me up at my house... had on a perfectly starchedbutton down shirt, designer jeans and nice shoes. Took me in his perfect car to a perfect little French restaurant in West Hollywood. So far, so perfect...too perfect. Perfect makes me suspicious. We sat down at the table and he ordered an expensive bottle of wine. Then he proceeded to bore the living bejeebus out of me. In the thirty minutes that followed, while he filled me in on the intricacies of his investment banking job, I went through every to-do list I could think of in my head. "My company buys stock in firms and then pays equity--- I need mouthwash, nail polish remover, detergent--- I act as a consultant, looking at the inter-organizational behavior of--- hmmm, I wonder when mascara expires?"I found that as long as I nodded ormurmured, mmm-hmmm or "oh"whenever he took a pause, I got away with looking interested. Or maybe he just didn'tnotice. Either way, perfect car, meal, and shirt aside, if a guy can't hold my attention past the appetizers, the chances are pretty slim he’s going to get any attention from me beyond dessert. And he didn't. It's too bad too. I could have learned a thing or two about-- whatever it was he did-- I wasn't really listening.