Ultimate Checklist for Getting Girls

Don't even waste your time wondering what's wrong with you if you haven't at least checked these items off the list. Your very last house on the block should be after you've covered these bases.

1. TEETH: Get those babies in check players. Even if you can't afford braces or whatever it is you need, make sure what's there is clean. Get floss sticks, teeth whitener, a good tooth brush and strong mouth wash. If we've seen it once we've seen it 100 times. “The cute guy with the nasty breath and/or yellow teeth”. Women are attracted to health, and that means a nice mouth. Also they have to kiss that shit so make it inviting.

2. B.O.: Alright so this is pretty simple. Deodorant, body wash and cologne all in the same sent preferably. When you wash yourself get a detachable showerhead if possible and turn that shit on like a fire hose and wash yoself. Also a loofah sponge is a good way to really lather up and get clean. Girls may like guys that look dirty, but no one likes a dirty guy.

3. HOBBIE: This could be a sport, a musical instrument, an artistic ability, a love of magic, etc. What is it? What's your thing? Think long and hard if you can't think of one right away. This is the number one thing that will attract a woman. Girls love guys who have something they love. You need something that you are passionate about to impress her with.

4. GROUP: Do you belong to a group of some kind? Any kind? Something that you really like? Sports team, a band, a gym,a 12 step group, an outside of school class, a writers group, a church...etc. Girls like guys who have something besides girls to focus on, something they care about and something they are striving for. Also having a group behind you makes you a more confident man, which makes you more attractive.

5. SKIN: Yeah it’s not easy bein greezy. We understand we be greezy ourselves! But you should at least be trying to get your skin under check. Basically girls like white teeth, clear skin, nice hair, and bright eyes. That is what makes them physically attracted to you. It tells the world you are healthy. So although some things like scars are harder to help, the basic thing is just the effort. Also playing into this is facial hair. If you are trying to make your rat patch work for you but it’s all sparse, its not helping the cause! Unless you have a full on five o’clock shadow, forget it. Just stick to the freshly shaved look.

WG Move #1

Ok so a HUGE turn on for girls is when you: Wipe The Hair Away From Her Face. Just move your hand across the outline of her face so no hairs are hanging around. Sounds simple but guys totally forget to make this move, and it really works! Suddenly you are a prince just because you took the time to move some stray hairs away to reveal a face longing for your sweet ass kisses. Trust us we know this shit because we have witnessed it and experienced it and we still can't explain it. When girls get together to give a play by play of what happened the night before, if this move is  mentioned all the other girls suddenly start squealing, guaranteed. We don't know exactly what it is, but we've fallen for it too. Could be TV and Movies, could be biological, either way it fucking works. 

FIRST PHONE CALL SENERIO

HIM: Hey, what’s up? It’s me, Alex.

HER: Oh, Hey.

HIM: What’s up? How are you today?

(NEXT 5 MIN OF QUESTIONS AND RELATING HER REPLIES TO YOUR OWN LIFE)

HER: I’m__________. Just finished________.

HIM: Really? That’s cool. I did that last year. It’s really fun.

HER: Yeah it is. I went with my friend ______ to do it.

HIM: Oh cool. How do you know her?

HER: We met at drivers ed.

HIM: Oh, you got a ticket?

HER: Yeah, for not stopping at a stop sign. So lame.

HIM: Seriously? That’s so funny! I got one for speeding on the 4___.

HER: Really? Where were you going?

HIM: The ________. Ever been?

HER: Yeah, my family lives up there.

HIM: Cool!

HER: Yeah, its fun to visit.

HIM: Totally. So, I gotta run but I wanted to see if you wanted to go to the movies Friday? We could see ________, it comes out that day.

HER: I can’t Friday, but I can do Saturday.

HIM: Sweet, that works.

HER: Cool.

HIM: Ok, I will pick you up at 7. What’s your address again?

HER: ________

HIM: Alright, cool

.

Online Dating: A Great Way to Practice

"Online dating? Yuck, it’s a bunch of three-legged whores hiding behind their laptops." Alright, you may have a point, especially with the latter,but you aren't getting any younger or more attractive,so you might want to take those three legs for a spin.Sure you may not meet your wifey on match.com, but you sure could get yo date on couldn't you? For every three legged whore, there's a two legged one who is dying to meet you. It’s like everything else in your life, it's all about practice. You only get good at dating and talking to chicks when you have done it for a long time, so might as well get started. Also it helps you figure out what YOU really want in a girlas far as different looks, personalities, interests, hobbies etc.Who knew you liked liberatraian, skater chicks with cleft pallets? In regards to hooking up: Do you think the best guys in bed are the ones who have been having an affair with their hand for five years and then unleash onsome unsuspecting sorority girl? No. It's the guy who's been around and knows what girls want. And on a side note, hate to break it to you guys, but same goes for girls. They don't know that backbend trick from gym class ok? xoxo Jet

Great Icebreaker.........................by Star

 It's hard to make a girl stop and think these days. I feel for you guys out there, because most of us have seen and heard it all. And you have to think long and hard to impress us. But the other day, I was walking back to my car from a yoga class and a guy pulled up next to me in his truck -- and ok, from here on out I'm laying it out for you movie-style: Guy in truck: Hey, can I take your spot? Me: Sure, no problem. Guy in truck: Wow, I love your accent. Me: (confused because I don't have one and neither does he): Uh, thanks. Guy in truck: Wow, you're adorable. Me: (Still thinking about the accent thing) Thank you. Guy in truck: I'm Allan. Me: I'm Star. Guy: Nice to meet you. Me: (Getting into my car) You too. And then I drove away. And ever since then, I've been thinking about that exchange. Because it was amusing. And because I'm really curious if Guy in Truck thought I actually had an accent or if he was just messing with me. But either way, it caught me off guard. It made me pause- and seriously guys, that's all you gotta do when you first meet a girl. Make her stop for long enough to get in there and introduce yourself. And even though Allan didn't get me to stop long enough to get my number, at least he got my fab parking spot.

Absolutely Gorgeous................by Jet

I met the most genius man on earth last night at the Kareoke bar. When I went up to the bar to purchase a club soda this dude leans over and goes:"Hi, I just wanted to let you know that I think you're absolutely gorgeous." Then he turned around and continued to talk to his friends. Brilliant. It made it seem like he just did it because that's what he really thought not because he wanted to play with my privates. Guys if this doesn't get you a hand job,nothing will. USE IT.

Play the Guitar to Get Play..... by Jet

The solution to all your problems with women can be summed up in one simple sentence: Learn to play the guitar! There you go broham, easy as that! Even the most hideous monster can get a girl if he picks this thing up and starts a playin. And the secret is YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE TO BE GOOD! If you really want to get girls, which you say you do, then learn how to play like there is a direct link from guitar playing to girl humping. The more you do the more you get done, see? I have known some pretty updateable dudes who miraculously changed into Jake G. with just one stroke. Its like magical beams of sparkly goodness shoot out of you when you pick this thing up. And only girls can see it, so you have to believe me and not your friend Kevin. (Besides what has Kevin ever said that got you anywhere? He’s such a tool.)

Hot Hobbies

You’ve all seen the Forty Year Old Virgin by now, right? And unless you are already forty, let's try to prevent you from turning out like that poor man. He had a classic case of “Man-child”. This is defined as a guy who is far past the age of ten but still shares many similarities. Such hobbies include but are not limited to: cartoon watching, comic book or toy collecting and video game playing. However, let's not let your hobbies define you-- instead, let them actually work to your advantage. See the scale below, which ranks hobbies from Girl Magnet to Girl Repellent.

Dirty Little Secret........................STAR

There’s a little secret us girls don’t want you guys to know. We are ashamed of it, to tell you the truth, but I’m going to spill it anyway, because, you need to know. We’ll sleep with anyone on Valentine’s Day. You basically need to stand up right and have the ability to grow facial hair. Beyond that, our whole checklist of standards we usually carry around with us- about jobs and heterosexuality and only dating guys with 2 nipples– those all go out the window. So if you are a guy who finds yourself breathing and walking upright on Feb. 14th, you’re in luck. Odds are totally in your favor. Some say timing is everything, and in this case, it’s true. Because being a single girl on VDay equals- I hate to admit this- desperation. We feel sorry for ourselves or get angry and defiant and say to our other single girlfriends, “Fuck Valentine’s Day. Let’s go out and get trashed.” And that’s where you come in. You are dashing and confident- or maybe not- but the important thing is- you are right there. And we’re trashed. Maybe this lame ass holiday isn’t so bad after all, right guys?