Post Coital Quotes from Hell....Jet

There is a rising epidemic swelling in the bedroom and it fuckin burns. It’s yet another case of the “men don’t remotely understand women” and its manifesting itself in incorrect responses we've been hearing post coital in 20-somethings' studio apartments across the country. It occurs directly after asking the infamous "What are you thinking right now?". Girls ask this question, whether they want to or not. It just shoots out of our mouths like vomit before we can reason with it. We say it because you, the guy, haven't said what you should have said or most likely you haven't said anything at all. So we ask you, then we cringe, knowing we have stabbed ourselves in the needy girl foot. When we say it we don’t literally mean “What is your manly ADHD brain thinking this exact second?” What we're implying is: "What are you thinking about you and me? Was that good? Did you like it? Do you like me? Make me feel secure right now. Give me a little something to help me fall asleep." What you should have said, believe it or not, wasn’t, and this is a direct quote, "I was looking at your curtains and thinking...I need to get curtains for my apartment." We were thinking something more along the lines of "I was just thinking how lucky I am to be with you." Just memorize that. Or maybe a "You are so beautiful." Memorize this right now. Look we know you’re stupid afterwards, we know your dick and your brain are like Clark Kent and Superman. That’s why you have to practice this like anything else in life. It will save you a lot of time and effort explaining your actions or wondering why we don't feel like touching you anymore. With us it’s all about what you say, and if you don't say anything or you say something insane like, and again direct quote "I was thinking...man I was tired before and that was quite a workout.", then we will question what we were thinking sleeping with your ass in the first place. Let me save you the personal ridicule and her and all her friends the drama by giving you a simple instruction. Right after, during that moment of silence, turn to her and say something you feel about her, you know-- the reason you two are together, and kiss her. Then you can roll over and play dead. Lesson learned.