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The Wing Girls on Facebook

Top Ten Facebook Don'ts

1. Don't be friends with girls who dumped you. She doesn't get to know anything about you anymore because she doesn't deserve too...cuz she’s that bitch who broke your heart.

2. Don't hit on other girls on their walls or under there photos if you are trying to mac on another girl. SHE CAN SEE THAT SHIT.

3. Don’t come on too strong. Add her then wait a few days, then write her a message.

4. Don’t write: “Jake is lonely today.” Or “Jake wishes he were dead”. While interesting, not necessarily attractive. Only write positive or funny things on your statuses.

5. Don’t give it away for free. Set yo shit to private. She should feel privileged to be your friend.

6. Don’t keep up every tagged photo. If someone tags you doing something lame or on an ugly day, un-tag it, no need to show her you can drink out of a toilet bowl or your eye gets lazy when you tie tie.

7. Don’t switch your relationship status till you are totally together, for a fact.

8. Don’t message girls with a “my how you have grown” type of statement. “Damn girl you grew up sexy” YUCKO!

9. Don’t add chicks you’ve never met in person or it will stay that way.

10. Don’t leave everything on your wall. If your friend writes a post about how you ate cat poop on a dare in 5th grade, DELETE!

Stupid things Boys do on MySpace

1. You stalk her. If you read her comments dated back 4 months, fine- who doesn't?, but if you let her know, that little stalker bell in her head will go off loud and clear.

2. You make her #1 in your top 8 prematurely. No matter what, keep her out of your top 8 until you've already agreed in real life to make each other #1.

3. You change your Relationship Status. Repeat after me: Do Not Touch the Status. Girls and guys both make this mistake WAY too much. Why jump the gun and announce to the world I'm In A Relationship? Since Tom failed to give us a viable option in between Single and In A Relationship (thanks, Tom), we have no choice but to argue in our heads: but we're not single: we're dating!! Well, Tom obviously doesn't care, so leave the status alone, unless you decide to go with Swinger, which is a pretty gay choice.

4. You request to become friends with her friends. It will get back to her, believe me. And she'll either feel an invasion of privacy or will get pissed off and think you're hitting on her friends. So just back off. If her friends decide they love you and want to invite you to join their group Hot Latin Chicks or whatever, then go for it. But not til then.

5. You become a comment-posting machine. Go check her page. It's ok, I'm giving you permission this time. If the last 4 consecutive comments are from you and you alone, then it's time to take a virtual vacation from the comments. No matter how many witty things you can think of to say, or how many awesome images you find, just hold off and give some of her other friends a chance.

6. You put a picture of you and her sucking face as your default picture. Do Not Do.

7. You forget that she spies on you too, which of course she does. So keep that in mind and know that any bone headed comments you post on your best friend's page about her or other girls will be read by her as well.

8. You get caught spying. I don't know if those "See Who Views Your Profile" things work or not, but let's err on the side of caution. Use a secret profile if you check her page more than 3 times a day.

*3 is a pretty arbitrary number actually. I just made it up, so that is open for interpretation.

9. You put stupid stuff on your page, like Hobbies: Titties. No self respecting girl will date a boy that thinks boobs are an extracurricular activity.

10. All of your top 8 are Playboy models you don't know. See number 9 about the self respecting girl part.

DE-FRIENDED

Some lame ass I occasionally make out with recently de-friended me on MySpace. God guys if you want to seem like a freak or that you care way too much about a girl you are very causally dating/seeing then followmy man's lead and delete her. If you want to come across like you could care less keep doing what you’re doing. Guys who do this are major fuckin feather boa wearing drama queens. Maybe he wanted some sort of reaction? I don't really knowbut I'm assuming it was something like this, here you go little boy. My letter to God following the devastating news:

Dear God,

Please take away this pain! I'm so hurt and offended that I have been deleted! Please make it go away! I want so badly to message him and ask "why? why? whhhhhhhhhhhy?" How will I sleep tonight not knowing the answer to this question? Did he do it on purpose because my profile is private and then he can't be tempted to look at me? Did I post to many bulletins on my accomplishments? Jealousy? Envy? What God, what is it? Did he finally give up on trying to fuck me and this is his last straw? Is he getting sick of my half-assed hand jobs?Is he unable to express himself in any real person to person dialogue with me and is therefore forced to do it via the internet?Questions! Questions left unanswered!As I look in the mirror, I wonder what it is that makes me so deletable? God, I am so miserable because now I only have 297 friends! What am I goina do with out him??? How can I find him again God, being that I don't know his last name? God I'm asking for your guidance in this. I'm considering either overdosing, finding his house and burning it down, or setting my own fragile body on fire to feel as though I am burning in the gates of hell where I belong after doing whatever it is I did to him!

Please take away this great pain!!!

xoxo

Jet

suck and paste

Hey guys, remember when we said we were joining the evil world of Myspace? Well we really did it, and it’s proved to be even more entertaining than we ever could have hoped! Below is a real message we just received a matter of minutes ago:

NO SUBJECT

hey hows it going. this is really werid cause its over myspace, but i wanted to tell you, how i just think your a very beautiful person. you seem to be alot of fun, and down to earth girl. i wish there was more about you on your profiel, so i could find out more about you personaly.if you would ever be interested to ever talk, or maybe even go out for a good time, i would enjoy that very much. but if your not, thanks for your time. hope you have a great 07
kevin

our humble response:

Dear Kevin,

Thank you for the lovely message. How nice of you to send it. One quick question, because our profile is for The Wing Girls, as in Girls plural, which one of us are you talking to? We believe we are both beautiful persons, but it would be nice to know for our own personal benefit which one of us you think is a beautiful person. While we’re on the subject, could you also clarify: how in the world do you know that the one of us you are addressing is a “fun, down to earth girl”?

Kevin, thanks for the invitation to hang out sometime. Both of us will think long and hard about your offer before we turn you down. We hope you have a great 07 as well, but maybe this year you can stop hitting girls up over Myspace with the ol’ cut and paste trick. It’s impersonal, vague, and frankly, it’s just not working. If you really want to “get to know a girl”, how bout a nice personalized message? That might help ya out a bit.

PS: Please shave the pubes off your chin.

Love,

The Wing Girls