Blind Date- August

Remember when you looked down and saw there were two giant double D lumps of fat where there once was nothing? (Jet) Or maybe you remember a time when all the squeezing together in the world wouldn’t give you cleavage? (Star) And every picture you took, you pushed your arms together to create the illusion? (Star)  Or when you thought a guy really liked you for who you were only to find out he has a thing for girls with a big balcony? (Jet) Well this date’s for you…and all you boys too.

Meet the Daters:

Luis:
Age 28
Occupation: Freelance businessperson

Lizzie:
Age: 23
Occupation: Painter/ Receptionist

How would you describe yourself?
Liz:  I'm a whimsical lady with a taste for danger.
Luis:  outspoken guy, people/social addict, with a Clark Kent identity of actually being smart.  Oh I’m a musician too...speaks for itself. ha ha

What is your dating style?
Liz: As far as first dates go I like to keep it simple and public.  Dinner,
drinks or coffee are all good options.  Beyond that, I think it's good to keep with the theme of activities that allow for conversation.  
Luis: Well, you gotta keep up with me.  I love to go out and socialize, but I also like that "alone" time.  u gotta be able to mingle in the nightlife, but also be able to spend 8 hours in bed doing nothing!



THE TAKE OFF   

Describe your date in 5 words.
Liz: Cute, personable, sweet, creative…I’m blanking.
Luis: Artistic, Articulate, Intelligent, Good Soul ,Very Beautiful. (Nice rack?)

What was the first thing you noticed about him/ her?
Liz: His smile.
Luis: How down to earth she is. (And her nice rack? TYPICAL!)

When I first met him (her) I thought….   
Liz: He already seemed like he was gonna be nice.
Luis: (Mama…Luis gross!) Very easy to talk with… not awkward at all.


Do you feel like there’s a potential connection/ attraction?
Liz: I think so… it’s too early to tell. He’s a little bit ADD. (And never looks in the eye huh Lizzie? He just stares blankly at your clavicle area? You think, “hey, we’re really connecting”, and then you try to look him in the eye only to be met by the top of his hairline?!? Man, what a pig!)
Luis: I definitely do. She’s an artist (with huge boobs?) and I’m a musician so I think there is definitely like an attraction as far as interest in an intellectual level. (you mean you like to stare at her boobs and it makes her uncomfortable? That’s what you two have in common? Eye rapist!)

Do you believe in love at first sight?                 Is this it?
Liz: This is gonna sound cheesy, but I believe at attraction at first sight.
Luis: Nah. (Believe in hot tits at first site though don’t cha? Pig!)

FLIGHT:
Is it getting better/worse/the same?
Liz: The same. Now we’re in the “What do you do?” realm—not knock your socks off exciting, but it’s good.
Luis: The same. (They haven’t grown any bigger in the last eight minutes have they? Have they you boob obsessed Mama’s boy. Get a hobbie. Like one that doesn’t involve ogling young girls boobies!)


What have you guys been talking about?
Liz: LA… being creative… figuring out that whole world… he’s a musician, I’m an artist- you have to whore yourself out.
Luis: About her art, my music. (Her boobs, my penis.)


Now what are you looking forward to?
Liz: The main course!
Luis: Seeing her “art”. (Oh I bet you can’t wait to see her “art”. Can’t wait to just rub your face all over her “sculptures”? And then you’ll just go and tell all your friends about her “paintings”? And how big her “paper mache” was huh? God Luis, stop! You are a sick sick man!)


THE LANDING:

What would your friends think of  your date?
Liz: They would think he was really cute.
Luis: Depends on which friends. All my real friends would like her. My party friends/ acquaintances would shy away from the “artistic” thing. ( Or are they just into flat-chested emo hipster girls with no personality who wear wife beaters with no bra and hang out with their bi friends at the Short Stop in Silverlake? FUCK YOU!)

What do you have in common?    
Liz: We’re both laid back, easy going & nice.
Luis: We are both artistic and cultured. (She has tits, you like tits?)

What’s in the future for the two of you?
Liz: At the very least, definitely keep in contact. We’ll check out each other’s myspace pages.
Luis: I would say that we are probably going to stay connected through her art and my music. We’ll exchange myspaces. (And maybe ask her some more questions regarding her “art”? Like when did she start growing her “art”? And what happens when her “art” gets cold? How does she keep her “art” so high on the wall when gravity proves otherwise? Does she ever rub anything on her “art”? Or drip wax on it? SIIIIIIICCCCCK!)

Overall, rate the date 1 to 5… (5 being best)
Liz: 4.5
Luis: 5


Bottom line: Lizzie’s hot. Men are pigs.

Blind Date June/July

MEET THE  DATERS:
MEREDITH:  Age: 25 Occupation: Mary Kay Beauty Consultant/ Actresss
Wants to meet: “Someone fun, outgoing, motivated, and passionate with similar religious beliefs; someone who eventually wants to have a wife and family; someone who I can laugh with, cry with, grow with... a best friend!”
ED: Age: 30 Occupation: VP of Educational Software Company
Wants to meet: “someone who is eay to get along with, loves the beach and exercise, loves to learn new things and be outdoors and enjoys a good time dancing etc.”

TAKE OFF

Describe your date in 5 words:
M: friendly, vegetarian, talkative, personable, cute (hot, smart, would probably be a good father one day and totally take care of the kids when you needed downtime and when you gain the baby weight he would say he actually finds you more attractive…)
E: attractive, southern belle, interesting, engaging, sparkle (bitch, whore?)

What was the first thing you noticed about him/her?
M: He was tall. I’m glad he’s taller than me. He’s fit. If I were walking down the street I wouldn’t be like “Wow, look at him!” But you never know, he’s a volleyball player, he probably has a great body. (yes, yes, yeeeeeeeeeeeees)
E: Her hair, in a good way, its long and luscious (and fake with extensions and filled with horrible, contagious lice)


Do you feel there’s a potential connection/attraction?
 M: Possibly. It’s kind of too early. Definitely a cool person. (Possibly? We hate you.)
E: 50/50 right now. There’s potential. Distance may be a factor. Other than that there’s potential. (We could be at your house in a cool 20…)

Do you believe in love at first sight?
M: No. I believe in lust at first sight. (Lesbo)
E: No. There’s lust at first sight. I believe you have to have an understanding of who they are before you would love them. You need to develop an intellectual connection. (Oh my God, totally us too…totally, she would never understand you because she isn’t on your plane of intellectual understanding…PS: Star went to Berkeley…)


THE FLIGHT


How does this compare to other dates you’ve been on?
M: He’s totally cool, relaxed. He’s talking but not too much. Good balance of talking and listening.
E: So far better, its pretty great! She’s grown on me a little, ya know? (You hated her and now you are mildly interested in not murdering her…huh?)

The best thing about my date is:
M: His outlook on life. He’s always happy go lucky. (We have another guy that would be perfect for you…his name is Satan.)
E: Her personality and open-mindedness and life experiences are really cool. She has a lot to talk about. It’s so boring when girls don’t talk. (We talk a lot--in bed when we are giving life-altering blowjobs…)
Worst?
M: Attraction. I haven’t felt that spark, not sure if there is a romantic thing. (HOLLA!)
E: I can’t really see anything! I see no negatives. (Except that fact that she probably has a prostitution ring she runs out of South Central…whore…literally)

LANDING

How did it go?
M: Very well.
E: Great. Super. She’s a rad chic. I’m stoked. Dude, what’s this girls name? (Her name is Jet…or Star…call us your Daddies and spank us…or whatever…)

What’s in your future?
M: I could totally see us hanging out friend-wise. I’d probably go out again if he asked me. (And then we would probably slowly grow apart and never talk again…probably.)
E: I’d love to have her down to the beach and hang out for a while and see if she can groove in my environment. I like to see how girls react to the beach. (She HATES water.)

Do you want to make out?
M: Not right now. I’m not that type of girl. (Whore.)
E:  Yeah, but I want to make out with most girls. (Like girls who wear jumpsuits and give advice on dating? Girls who look like sisters and tease their hair? Girls who harbor resentment against gorgeous southern belles who go on dates with OUR FUCKING BOYFRIENDS???)

1.    Rate yo date:
M; 4
E:4

BOTTOM LINE: There was not and never will be one ounce of chemistry between these two. Ever. (Ed…myspace.com/thewinggirls…we’ll be waiting…naked)

 

BLIND DATE: MAY

Jet and Star learned a very hard lesson this month. When people are actually compatible and have a mutual attraction, the date ends up being far less interesting. The Wing Girls end up taking pictures of each other with facial distortions, flipped up eye lids and pig noses. Then after a while they begin to question their own relationships or lack there of. You see, Summer and Fetters are all too capable of being respectful and open during a date. This makes us wish we were dead. Read on to see how normal people interact in a date-like setting.

MEET THE DATERS:

Fetters:

Wants to meet: “a fun cool girl that is athletic, adventurous, in-touch with herself and is kinda of artsy.”

Summer:

Wants to meet: “ Don't know what I want, but couldn't hang with someone who is constantly pessimistic or lacking in sense of humor.”

TAKE OFF

Describe your date in 5 words.

F: Cool, fun, cute, intelligent, well-dressed (How sweet…u don’t feel the need to add some sort of backhanded thing to the list? We’re so confused…)

S: Cute, gentlemanly, inquisitive, genuine, unassuming (Selfish? Self seeking? No?…ok…)

How is it going? – the good, the bad, the ugly… any deal breakers?

F: Good, I’m enjoying myself. (You are? On a Monday night? You’re not gonna complain about her breast size or tell her you’ve been really busy at work lately and she has no idea what you go through on a daily basis and then ask for some space, eventually asking her to give back your keys?)

S: Comfortable, flowing conversation it’s equal amount of convo. I’m a little chatty. I’m not nervous. (Not nervous? On a blind date? Who are you people?)

Do you feel like there’s a potential connection?

F: Too early to tell. No, I’m gonna say yes. (Oh you’re gonna say yes are you? Great we thought maybe things would go down hill with a “too early to tell”. Thanks dude, thanks a lot.)

S: Possibly. Too early to tell. Definitely would be someone I’d be friends with. (Oh great maybe you two can be the next Ross and Rachel, and Star will be Joey- still sleeping with tons of people, never quite letting anyone get close to her, and Jet will be Pheobe and end up playing guitar at some coffee shop singing about the personal hygiene of some cat. Great, awesome, Thanks a lot!)

THE FLIGHT

Is it getting better/worse/the same?

F: The same you know. (No actually we don’t…)

S: Good. (Good? How nice…Good great!)

What’s a physical thing you’ve noticed about your date?

F: Cute Face. (You mean you hate her body don’t you? Even though she’s perfect you are gonna berate her in a magazine article you asshole! No…no you won’t because later on you say she has a great body…damn.)

S: Good bone structure. I’m attracted. (Yes, yes we get it. Why don’t you two get a joint bank account and get some house in Silver Lake and how bout you take Jet’s dog with you because I bet you two would take better care of it.)

Is there anything that bugs you about him/her?

F: You guys really try to get bad things out. (Yes, yes we do. And you don’t seem to even throw us a bone. You just keep having a good time with your new girlfriend, don’t mind us. We’ll keep taking ugly pictures of each other.)

S: Not that easily annoyed. (No? We should switch jobs.)

THE LANDING

How did it go?

F: Good. It was very fun. She’s very sweet. Very Fun, Easy to talk to.

S: Good. Yeah. (Oh, oh are you in love? Well good luck with that, honey. Good luck finding someone who isn’t gay with intimacy issues. (Jet) Good luck finding someone in your own age bracket (Star). Or someone who doesn’t feel the need to put their career before you and makes you beg to spend a Wednesday night together once in every fuckin blue moon. (Jet and Star) Good Luuuuuuuuuck!)

What are the things about him/her that appeal to you?

F: She has a good body. (See! We told you!) I noticed that. Am I allowed to say that? (Yes, go right ahead. We haven’t been to the gym in months but feel free to bring attention to that area.) She seems easy going. She likes to try a lot of different things.

S: He’s talkative, asks interested questions. Good conversationalist.

Would you be interested in going out again? Or being friends? Or getting

married?

F: Sure!!!! I always wanted to be married for a day. That would be sweet.

S: Ummm…I have no idea. I’d probably go out again and I would be friends. Getting married? We would have to date a long time. (But its in your thoughts already isn’t it? And you’ve just met. You didn’t wait 3 years only to tell someone you never really thought of them that way, did you? DID YOU!?!?!)

Overall, rate the date 1 to 5… (5 being best)

F: 4

S: 4

BOTTOM LINE:

They stayed long into the night… even after Jet & Star

told them the date was over… Even after Jet & Star

left in a pile of self-pity to pour over their high

school yearbooks and wonder where it all went so

wrong. Fetters & Summer are probably still there,

staring into each other’s eyes, sharring there hopes

and dreams, complimenting each other’s abs…

Blind Date April

    Most dates consist of two people. Some dates happen at German restaurants in Silver Lake. And some dates include a very persistent Lithuanian bar patron named Edward. He insisted on participating in the blind date and answering all the questions our datees did,  in broken English. He said: “If you have me on the date, you will have a blast. If you set me up on this its gonna flow like a river, the Nile River.” And who are The Wing Girls to deny the Nile?

The Daters:

LEX: “I’m drawn toward a guy who is quietly confident, adventurous, good head on his shoulders and doesn’t take life too seriously. I am much more attracted to guys who are motivated by passion over money. I am really attracted to guys who take the lead and are outgoing."

JACOB: “I want to meet someone who has control of their baggage, has their own life, doesn't take everything so damn seriously, has similar interests, has opposing interests, is a freak...uh. That's it."

EDWARD: “Blonde with big boobs.”

 

 TAKE OFF

Describe your date in 5 words.

J: Sweet, confident, cute, grounded, smart
L: complex, comfortable, a little aloof, nice guy, cute
E: Date as an entity or another person?

How’s it going? The good the bad the ugly….any deal breakers?

J: Surprisingly comfortable. I thought I would be more nervous.
L: This is the 1st blind date he’s ever been on, this is my 2nd. I feel like it’s going well. We have things in common-with work.
E: Unbelievable.


Do you feel like there’s a potential/connection?
J: It’s too early to tell.
L: Not at first-maybe could be going that way. He’s kinda searching for things to talk about though.
E: With who? With me and you? (looks at Jet) Yes, Yes to both.

 FLIGHT

Name one funny thing your date said.

J: “I gotta go for the potato pancakes because I’m a raging Jew.”

L: We both studied in Florence. We’re reminiscing.

E: That guy (pointing to Jacob) said “I think they should pay you.” I was probably really good.

What’s a physical thing you noticed about your date?
J: She’s attractive, has a good body.
L: He’s adorable. Great eyes. Good Hair, has a full head of it. He’s Italian. I love Italians.
E: I always look at the eyes, its important.

 What’s one of their most attractive qualities?
J: She’s not afraid to sacrifice to get where she needs to go.
L: He’s very warm. He’s easy to talk to. He’s got a good smile. He talked about his dog. That’s the reason he isn’t really ready for kids, because of his dog.
E: (Points to Jet’s emerald earrings) The earrings, those are pretty good.

LANDING

1. How did it go?
J: It went well, it was effortless.
L: Went well. Good conversation.
E: FABULOUS!

Is he/she your type?
J: No but my types haven’t worked out for me in the past.
L: Gray area. Interested in finding out more about me but not putting the moves on. Maybe a little censored.
E: (coughs) Bullshit.

What are things about her/him that appeal to you? What turns you off?
J: It was appealing that we could have a real conversation.
L: We have a lot in common. I kinda feel like I could help his cynisim. You gotta have a little bit of that asshole factor to have a spark. Maybe if he was a little edgier...
E: (Turns to Jet and Star.) Are you guys twins? (We say fraternal.) Ohhh good, that’s the way it should be.

Would you be interested in going out again? Or being friends? Or getting married?
J: I would hang out with her as friends and see what happens.
L: No weddings but I’d go out again or hang out as friends.
E: Yes, but I think you would have to get circumcision.

Any potential problems you foresee?
J: Just this Lithuanian.
L: Hard to tell from a first date but he was very real, which is good.
E: No, not at all. I’m a therapist, a hypno therapist.

Overall, rate your date:

J: 4

L: 3

E: 4 ½ (I’m not greedy or anything.)

BOTTOM LINE: So, maybe there was no love connection in Little Germany, but at least our Lithuanian has something to write home about.  

BLIND DATE: MARCH

Every once in a while Jet and Star stumble across something truly amazing, something beyond recognition from the naked eye, a real, one hundred percent authentic, untainted, certified, mint conditioned Douche, date to follow.

The DATEES:

Chelsea

Age: 26

Occupation: Student

Wants to meet: “someone who can listen to hours of karaoke without complaining, who can hear my harmless insults and not get bent outta shape but instead hurl a couple back at me. And someone who is genuine, honest, funny, and doesn't care if he makes an ass of himself.”

Adam

Age : 28

Occupation : Merchandiser

Wants to meet : “a sexy young woman who is into personal development. I like shapely girls with dark features”

TAKE OFF

Describe your date in 5 words:

C: un-interesting, uninformative, underdressed, one-sided, uninterested. (may we add douche to this list?)

A: persistent, nice, friendly, artistic, color-coordinated. (douche bags like color-coordination and douche bag metro-sexual hoodies)

How’s it going?

C: He didn’t even introduce himself. He said “I refuse to drive 20 min out of the way.” And that was before the drinks got here. I asked him what he did and he said “I’m professionally awesome!” (Hey Adam if you don’t have a job we heard they’re hiring at douche la’douche’s emporium of douche bags, maybe you should apply?)

A: She lives in Pasadena so there is zero potential (in car years 20 min, bus years over 2 hours--unfortunately the douche line only runs every 4 days) so I’m just going to try to enjoy myself.

Are you glad you’re here?

C: I’m excited to eat here, the food and drinks are good. The waiter is hot. I wish I were dating him. ( hot waiter seems to be less of a douche.)

A: Yeah, this is my first blind date. Blind Date is my favorite show! (a show notoriously favored among douche bags across the country)

FLIGHT

Name one good question your date asked.

C: “Will you have a thumb war with me?” He didn’t even let me win.

A: That she asked? She hasn’t asked me a lot of questions since you arrived. She didn’t ask any good questions…She did ask “What’s your problem?” (douche)

What’s a physical thing you noticed about your date?

C: I see that he’s trying to bring back those stripped painter’s pants.

A: She’s a nice person. (up until this point we had no idea you could wear nice, thanks, douche)

What’s one of their most attractive qualities?

C: (utter silence)

A: She’s has a good personality. She wants to take control of the conversation. That’s a little annoying. (Hello my name is Adam and I am a controlling douche bag from the planet doucheion from the galaxy douchespere)

LANDING:

How did it go?

C: Better toward the end because we are both slightly drunk. He got better at asking questions. He actually reached out and touched me at points.

A: She’s a very plesant girl. (thanks grandpa douche!) It went really well.

Is he/she your type?

C: First Impression: No. Getting to know him, I guess I could hang out with him.

A: No, not at all. When I said “dark skinned” I meant from Africa dark. Dark everything. I rarely date blondes. I mostly date foreigners. (you mean girls desperate enough to listen to your douche bag ass in hopes of obtaining their green cards?) I just prefer them. (He then proceeded to ask Jet out for a “not so blind date”, last time we checked she was from San Francisco and was not of African descent- does Sicilian count? One can only dream…unfortunately Jet is allergic to douche. Then he touched Star’s boob “accidentally”. She’s allergic to douche too and went home to take a scalding hot shower…and a douche.)

What are things about him that appeal to you? What turns you off?

C: Besides the baggy blue PE sweatshirt? Or the fact that he keeps bringing up his “table”? And taking the bus everywhere?

A: I think she’s a really cool girl, she’s nice and friendly. (Too bad nice friendly girls deserve better, huh douche?)

Anything you would like to re-do as far as your behavior?

C: I wish I had shown up drunk.

A: No, not a thing. (except for rearrange my entire way of being and reason for living and not be the biggest douche The Wing Girls have ever set up, forcing them to apologize to the girl, the waiter, the restaurant and each other.)

What about your date’s behavior?

C: He should have shown up drunk too, so he would be tolerable.

A: I mean it would be cool if she were just more go with the flow. (silent?) She goes back to things I was already done talking about and had moved past. (you will now be knighted Sir Douche leader of his kingdom, ruler of all Douches.)

Score:

C: 2.7

A: 4

Bottom Line: Adam is a Douche. Case closed.

J-Date Wing Girls Style, Holla! (nagila)

Matchmakers, Matchmakers make me a match, find me a find, catch me a catch.

The Wing Girls were in full flight looking high and low for “a nice jewish boy” to make our hot Jewess proud. And did we find one? Read on to find out. (Now before jew get all jewtective, jew should know that Jet and Star together make up one full jew, so we can say whatever we want, L’Chaim!)

Meet the Datees:

Stacy

Age: 23

Occupation: Actress

Wants to meet: “someone who is well-rounded- not an "All I know about is Hollywood and more Hollywood” type. Definitely ambitious, creative and interested in music, film, etc, but also someone who is well-traveled and cares about the world around them, athletic; good family values, a gentleman who is romantic, loyal and spontaneous, open to new ideas and experiences, someone I can laugh for hours with, someone who's a little quirky/crazy and will laugh at my insanity... and did I say romantic? Jewish and Bar-Mitzvah'd would please the parents and grandparents.”
Dating style: “What does that mean? Missionary?”
Dating history: “I was a serial monogamist until my last breakup almost a year ago. Since then I've dated sporadically.”

Ben

Age: 28

Occupation:

CEO of

Darejunkies.com

Wants to meet: “A girl who is sweet, thinks about others’ feelings, has a passion for something, enjoys healthy living, wants a family, is not scared to try new things, will be spontaneous and yet will also be happy with just doing nothing and hanging out on the couch or in bed. A cool girl who can hang with everyone and lights up the room when she enters it.”

My dating style? :“I don't know what this means...I used to date for fun...Now, I date to meet someone I can get to know and enjoy spending more than just a couple dates with.”

Dating history: “Fell in love at 17, but moved to California and moved on. From then, there were only two women who touched me, I am currently single for the first time in a long time.”

TAKE OFF:

Describe your date in 5 words.

B: Talkative, sincere, happy, no holds barred, cute

S: Cute, complimentary, down to earth, curious, easy to talk to

(cute huh? Everyone is so cute, how fun. Cutie McCutersons, cute cute cute)

How is it going? – the good, the bad, the ugly… any deal breakers?

B: She’s doing most of the talking about her ex. She said she had a great relationship. I asked her about her past relationships. I think it says a lot about someone and how they deal with relationships. It shows how they could potentially deal with you and your hypothetical relationship. (Ben, could you please use the word relationship again?)

S: He asked about my ex and what happened. He said he lived with someone but I didn’t get to find out what happened. (People think talking about your ex on a first date is appropriate? News to us, but if both parties are mashugana enough, far be it from us to stop them.)

Do you think you two are compatible?

B: Yeah she is young and she isn’t into anything crazy serious, she isn’t forcing anyone into a relationship. (Forcing? Forcing? What happened to Jew?)

S: Too early to tell, he said he tried Jdate too but it didn’t work out….

THE FLIGHT:

Name one funny thing your date said.

B: She did say a few things-I forget though. (that engaging, is she?)

S: He used to live with his girlfriend but she wasn’t responsible enough to take care of the dog. He was going to have to get rid of the dog. I said “Why not get rid of the girl? (Actually Stacy this would be something funny that you said, but alas ol’hyper aware Ben could not remember)

What’s a physical thing you’ve noticed about your date?

B: Her eyes and her hair.

S: I like his smile. He has an interesting eye color I don’t know what it is. (Brown) I can tell he’s Jewish, in a good way. (What’s Jewish in a bad way?)

What’s one of their most attractive qualities?

B: She’s very sincere and real, she’s not superficial.(and I quote “ I can’t tell if he’s rich yet.”)

S: He’s a good listener,(ahem) he said he was spontaneous and adventurous. Skiing is his favorite sport. He loves dogs, wine tasting. We both like spicy food and Star. .(Jet silently cries.) He loves NY and wants to be bi-costal (We’ve dated a lot of bi-costal guys, and it never really worked out, they all ended up in We-Ho)

THE LANDING:

How did it go?

B: Well….Amazing.What? I’m serious!

S: Really well. I think we got along well. We have similar interests andwant similar things. He loved the wine I picked out. (I bet he did)

Would you be interested in going out again? Or being friends? Or getting married?

B: Definitely go out again. (far off gaze towards her table) We are going to hang out after this and watch Lost.

S: Yes to all of the above. I asked him where do you want to be in 5 years? He said “married with a kid on the way.” Then I said where do you want to be in 2 hours? He said, “watching Lost, where do you want to be?” And I said “watching Lost?” (Wow, someone writes adult film scripts in her spare time.)

Anything you would like to re-do as far as your behavior?

B: No.

S: I feel like everything was a little rushed….didn’t talk about politics/world issues but there really wasn’t time. He might think I’m too young because I don’t want to have kids for 10 years. (Nothin like talking about babies and ex-boyfriends to get you in the mood)

Bottom Line:

From what we heard they were “watching Lost” all night long, and then they “watched Lost” with “dvd commentary” in the morning. When we made our follow up calls Ben was already at the video store “picking up some more episodes of Lost.” (On occasion Star gets drunk and “watches Lost” with guys she doesn’t know…Sometimes Jet “watches Lost” alone…)

Overall, rate your date 1 to 5…

B: 5

S: 4, would have been a 5 if he kissed me.

BLIND DATE

DECEMBER

Welcome to Hollyweird, where things are never as they seem. It’s the land of preposterous Public Relation fairies and talent-eating Talent Agents. How can one ever see the truth behind all the fiction? Read on and find out, if you dare…

THE PASSENGERS

Aur-Aelion

Age: 25

Occupation: Talent Agent Wants to Meet: “A girl who is beautiful, wealthy, can do a back flip, an aggressive driver who curses when appropriate, curses when appropriately inappropriate, cleans really fast, a computer scientist, appraiser of antiques, sips with three coffee stirrers, fan of the arts.”

Grace

Age: 24

Occupation: PR Rep

Wants to Meet: “Someone who can see the beauty of each day but knows there’s a lot of work to be done to make the world a better place and tries to do so on a daily basis.”

TAKE OFF

Describe your date in 5 words.

A: Nice, Cute, Witty—that’s all I have so far. Asian? I didn’t get too deep.

G: Casual, Mildly Engaging, Interesting, Focused, Motivated

Do you think you two are compatible?

A: It’s too early to tell. We’re halfway through our first glass of wine.

G: I’m trying to have an open mind. It’s more organic that way. There are some things- he has strong ties to the concept of family and community. He’s entrepreneurial, which I like.

FLIGHT

What’s a physical thing you’ve noticed about your date?

A: She has glasses. One-third of my last relationships have had some sort of eye dysfunction.

G: His eyes. He has good eyes.

Name a funny thing your date said.

A: She said she decided to go skateboarding at 3am and got a concussion. She said that for three hours she was laughing, thinking she was a balloon.” (True or false? One may never know…)

G: He said a lot of funny things, but his tone of voice isn’t really animated. His stories are still engaging, though.

THE LANDING

Dish about your date…

A: She’s not afraid to eat a whole lot of food in front of me… she can pile it in. I love that, that’s hot. She’s goal oriented, she’s not just waiting for something to happen.

G: Deep down you can tell he has a good heart-he cares about people.

How did it go?

A: She’s not a bitch. She’s not a drag. She’s fun to be around. I would invite her to my party.

G: I’d hang out again. There’s something about him that peaks my interest.

RATE YO DATE:

A: 5

G: 4

Bottom Line:

Somebody left in someone’s car. Somebody said something about what somebody’s apartment looked like. Somebody’s got somebody’s digits. Somebody has plans to hang out with somebody really soon. Somebody told us not to repeat this. Whoops!

THE ADVICE

Cellular Level

Hey Rudy Patootie, knock it off with the carrier pigeons during the arranged marriage ceremony. It’s called silent- turn your phone to it. Who’s calling you anyways? Your mom? Your ex girlfriend? Anyone you want to be reminded of while imagining sex with your date? If you do pick up, that fantasy will stay that, a fantasy, because no chick with half a set of girl balls will put up with that dirty shiznit. Besides, how lame, seriously. Are you that important? Voice mail was invented by a perverted old man that wanted to help you get laid. Think of it this way boys: When relaying information to her bestie the next morning a girl would never include “…and he picked up the phone and had a meaningless conversation while I finished my pasta!” Do you like sex? If so, turn it off and turn her on instead.

And… Scene!

Hey funny pants, enough with the fakeness. We get it, you’re weird. Great. You win a Golden Globe for identity theft. “I told him I was a struggling actress that worked at Baja Fresh and he believed me!!!” Wow. When asked how he would describe himself Aur-Aelion said “First, I would stand in front of the mirror and take notes on my appearance and mannerisms…etc” We were totally impressed by our ability to set up two pathological pretenders! A match made in a cotton candy heaven. What’s the point of pulling the wool over someone’s eyes for your own secret laugh fest in the bathroom? We don’t get it. Sometimes shy people put up a front to protect their tender hearts…maybe that’s it, or maybe we found the two craziest people in H-Town. We think its best to pull the wizard out from the curtain early on, either they like you the way you are, or they don’t, end of scene.

NOVEMBER

THE PASSENGERS:

JESSE

Age: 23

Occupation: Talent Agent Assistant

Describes himself as : “Fun and tall”

Wants to meet someone who is: “Fun and likes to party, but who can also be happy chilling on the couch and doing nothing all day.”

His Type: “I try not to discriminate. I don't hate skinny blondes though.”

Brief dating history:“The last girl I was seeing on a quasi-regular basis was very pretty but very stuck up and felt very entitled. Our relationship ended when she got blackout drunk and it took me and another friend 2 hours todrag her out of a bush and drop her at her parents' house at 3am. Good times.”

SUSIE

Age: 25

Occupation: Actress/Waitress

Describes herself as : “Outgoing, friendly, sweet girl with a lot of personality and a little spice too. I am a bit
yin and yang: girlie but athletic. I love to laugh and enjoy hanging out with friends, seeing sporting
events, plays/movies/art shows, anything cultured and anything fun.”

Wants to meet: “A real man who can treat me like a woman. Someone I can goof around and have
fun with. Someone who makes me laugh, has a great smile and can have fun anywhere he goes. A little
chivalry would be nice along with some good values and an open mind. Someone who just enjoys my company and
vice versa whether it is at the beach, a game, or a movie. Normal would be nice, no crazies.”

Her Type: “Um yeah, cute jocks with a smart, creative and cultured side. Oh, and normal!”

Dating history: "I dated in high school but nothing serious until college where a I had a few one-year
relationships. I then moved to Los Angeles and have been trying to survive this crazy, dating world. It
seems that a lot of people don't really date in LA. I have done the whole dating game in this town but it is
different than anywhere else. I have dated a few here and there in LA but nothing lasted long. Where are
the normal guys???"

TAKE OFF:

Describe your date in 5 words.

J: Nice, Sweet, Nervous, Genuine, Friendly

S: One of the guys from home. Oh, you mean five different words...umm…Cute, Chill, Tall, Friendly, Good Times

Do you think you two are compatible?

J: Definitely.

S: We could be-I just don’t know yet.

How is it going? – the good, the bad, the ugly… any deal breakers?

J: Good, don’t know, just met and having conversation? Is that good?

S: We’re talking a lot about where we’re from. We talked about work. There’s a little nervous tension and I’m nervous but its pretty easy. He seems young and I’m used to dating older men.

Do you feel like there’s potential/ connection?

J: I wouldn’t rule it out.

S: Yeah, potentially.

Are you glad you’re here?

J: Yeah.

S: Yeah, this is fun.

FLIGHT:

Name one good question your date asked.

J: (20 min pause)….umm NEXT! Hey, what are you writing down?

S: Haven’t gotten there yet.

Name one funny thing your date said.

J: We are doing plenty of laughing….NEXT QUESTION!

S: He compares living in LA to Miami. The way he explained that was funny to me.

What’s one of their most attractive qualities?

J: Friendly, easy to talk to. No awkwardness, we hit it off very well.

S: He’s down for anything and easy going.

What’s a physical thing you’ve noticed about your date?

J: Very pretty face.

S: He’s tall.

How is it going?

J: It’s getting better because she’s less nervous and still equally friendly and cool. The initial barrier is broken.

S: Better, we just got more comfortable with each other, the food is really good. We’ve relaxed.

LANDING:

How did it go?

J: Great, It was great. I had a really fun time and we are into the same things.

S: I think it went well.

Is he/she your “type”?

J: No…. not really but I had a really good time.

S: No….he’s the whole laid back tall type. I like them bigger and more athletic but the more we talk the more I’m like, “Oh he’s like a normal guy.”

What are the things about him/her that appeal to you?

J: She’s really nice, easy going, not pretentious, spoiled or expectant, which was totally awesome.

S: He’s easy to talk to, great smile, seems like he can have fun anywhere and he seems adventurous.

What turns you off?

J: Nothing

S: He might be too skinny and too young. I feel like I’m too much of a woman for him.

Would you be interested in going out again? Or being friends? Or getting married?

J: Being friends. We could totally go out and party. I don’t see us being boyfriend/girlfriend though.

S: I guess I would be interested in going out again, but he didn’t ask for my number.

Rate the Date:

J: 4.5 Wings

S: 3 Wings

WING GIRLS SAY:

Jesse’s a cool guy, we all like Jesse, three cheers for Jesse…etc. With that said, he could learn a thing or two about first date impressions. Odds are if you are 22ish years old, single & living in Los Angeles, you need these tips to convince the girl that Mom doesn’t still do your laundry.

JESUS, TAKE THE WHEEL

Susie said about the date, “I felt like I have to control everything. Maybe it’s his age. It’s up to me to order all the food”. Jesse interpreted this as: “She’s being picky about the food. And I don’t care about her being picky at all, but she’s worried that I do. Whenever she orders something she looks at me all scared and says, ‘Should we get this on the side?’” Susie wasn’t scared that she was ordering the wrong thing—she was scared she was on a date with the wrong guy. We knew from the first 5 minutes that Jesse was a laid back dude. He didn’t care if he got the Rainbow Roll or the Spicy Tuna, it’s all Sushi to him; but to girls, this type of “whatev-ness” can show passivity. If you don’t take charge with the sushi at the table, what will happen with it in the bedroom?

I LOVE YOUR (FILL IN THE BLANKS)

Susie’s said “It would have been nice if he would have complimented me!” when asked what her date could have done better. “Jesse’s tall…he’s like… really tall.” See how easy it is to give compliments?!? But seriously guys, it should be a given. You go on a date, and you say “Gee, you look pretty tonight.” That’s what you do! Have you seen any moving pictures lately? When Julia Roberts descends the staircase, Richard Gere says, “You look gorgeous” And then she forgets she’s a hooker. I know it sounds old school but it’s a classic because it never fails. Look at Susie. She’s got Bambi eyes, a beautiful smile and Pantene hair…Man maybe we should go on a date with her. Jesse has a million things to choose from, and so do you! A basic, generic, “you look nice” actually satisfies us!

Bottom Line: There weren’t any major sparks flying here, mostly because they weren’t each other’s type. But Jesse could have changed Susie’s mind by making a stronger impression, but you know, whatever.

SEPTEMBER

BLIND DATE

For Hollywood Covered’s First Blind Date ever, the WingGirls set up two of the “funnest people they knew” for a special dinner at Dolce. Read on to see what went down.

The cast:

Jeff

Age: 30

Occupation: Director/ Editor

Describes himself as: “Funny, personable, perhaps brutally honest and real, not pretentious.”
Is looking for someone who is: “NOT shallow, who can laugh at themselves and make me laugh and still hold my interest with interesting thoughts and philosophies
and anecdotes. Attractive of course, not money grubbing or
opportunistic, not false or fake or over concerned with possessions.
Honest, fun, cool and smart.”

Dating history: “ Don't really have one. My last girlfriend I met on-line. I went out
on a date with a girl I met a Sundance that went great, but we never
connected again. I see movies and dinner with some.”

Nicole

Age: 27

Occupation: Actress/a lot of other interesting things!

Describes herself as: “Smart, outgoing, expressive and sensitive.”

Is looking for someone who is: “Intelligent and Handsome, with a sense of humor, and is willing to make fun of themselves.”

Dating history: “Some good, some bad, but nothing to write home to mom about that’s for sure!”

THE DATE—ACT ONE

Describe your date in 5 words.

Fun, Cute, Talkative, Interesting, Personable

Nerdy, Smart, Funny, Articulate & Nervous.

How is it going? – the good, the bad, the ugly… any dealbreakers?

J: Great so far, not making me nervous. Listening and talking equally.

N: It’s fun—we have the same sarcastic sense of humor… we both swear, call each other “dude”. We’re both self-deprecating. I can tell he’s nervous because he’s asking a lot of questions.

Do you think you two are compatible?

J: Seems like it so far.

N: Too early to tell.

THE DATE-ACT TWO

Is it getting better/worse/the same?

J: Amazing connection, amazing how well its going! She's an actor, and a dancer. She's a personal trainer and I'm out of shape. She's an addiction specialist and I have addiction issues.

N: We’re getting personal, which is great. We’re talking about our flaws. He’s very honest.

Name one funny/memorable thing your date said.

J: She told me about a book which she recommends to all artists about being patient. That blew my mind. Only someone who feels the same way could understand.

N: I recommended he read the book Letters to a Young Poet, by Rilke because it’s about having patience. He was like “How did you know?”

What's a physical thing you've noticed about your date?

J: Boobs, no don't say that! I like her hair….and her boobs.

N: He has beautiful eyes. When I told him that, he took his glasses off.

Is there anything that bugs you about him/her?

J: She's really healthy and doesn't eat red meat.

N: He’s dropped a couple names. I think he’s a little more into celeb-sightings than I am.

What's one of their most attractive qualities?

J: Honestly? Her personality. I'm ready to go back to talking to her!

N: He’s nervous-honest. It’s very charming.

THE END

How did it go?

J: Awesome, Incredible, I can't believe it. I'm blown away, it's a good sign when you learn things from someone right away.

N: Amazing. He inspired me because he’s so talented and passionate. I want to motivate myself career-wise the way he has.

What are the things about him/her that appeal to you? What turns you off?

J: Her philosophies about art and music. She seems like a good person.

N: He’s so open to learning about new experiences, and you can tell he really listens. And he’s so honest. Turn-offs: not sure if he takes care of himself health-wise.

Any potential problems you forsee?

J: I'm not healthy and I'm out of shape. I also party and do drugs sometimes.

N: We might have competition in the career area since our goals are similar.

Would you be interested in going out again? Or being friends? Or getting married?

J: All of the above.

N: I would definitely go out with him again.

Overall, rate your date 1 to 5

J: 5 wings!

N: 4 wings!

What did we learn from this date to help all our other datees out there?

The Wing Girls say:

DRINKING AND DATING DON’T MIX:

Our man Jeff, with the best intentions and nervous pre-date jitters (come on guys we were watching them a table over!), may have been walking the line between loose and loser. Homeboy was actually quoted saying “I stopped drinking martinis a while ago but if I had two more I would propose.” This should be a good enough reason to quit while you’re ahead. One drink is fine to get over your fear, but don’t turn it into a kegger. Miss Nicole drank Merlot and was quoted as saying “I had two glasses so now we’re warming up.” She did stop there, so she wasn’t pulling her pants down anytime soon.

THE HEAT IS ON YOUR BODY

Jeff had a sport jacket on so boy was sporting some sweat. Jet actually likes sweat on certain boys but Star says it’s a no-no, and we believe that’s the general consensus. To avoid this natural act just make sure you bring some layers that can be used separately or all together, i.e. a shirt underneath that you wouldn’t mind wearing alone. That way, you can take your jacket off and reveal a cooler shirt that won’t make you feel like you’ve been doing the fit test on your elliptical. A lightweight cotton shirt is never a bad idea. Nicole dressed for a hotter night and therefore didn’t perspire. Had she been cold he could have offered his coat….because no matter what they say, chivalry ain’t dead yet.

BACK BACK FORTH AND FORTH

Early on into the date, Jeff commented: “It’s great so far and not making me nervous. We’re listening and talking equally.” That’s great if its true, but it was later confirmed by Nicole who said “He’s a great listener, and I need a talker. I feel like we’re on the same plane.” A lot of the time guys feel the need to impress so they go on and on about themselves. Do not do! If it feels like you are doing a monologue, you are! Remember to ask her questions about herself, cuz you might actually want to know the answers.

BODY SPEAKS ENGLISH

Star noticed a great connection with these two even though she was two tables away. She noticed they were both leaned in on the table-- a sure sign they were interested in what each other had to say. Their hands were on the table close to each other, which shows they weren’t afraid of being intimate. Also a lack of fidgeting, i.e. hair brushing, eye rubbing, nose itching, etc. meant they they really were paying attention to the other person. Not to get all US Weekly, but these were very promising signs.

SELF-DEPRECATION IS SEXY

Nicole wanted someone who was “willing to make fun of themselves.” Jeff certainly was. “When I have my glasses on I look like a writer but when I take them off I look like a douche bag!,” he said. Its nice to hear that the person you’re with doesn’t think they are God’s gift to mankind. Both parties should be able to make fun of themselves a little. It makes everyone feel more at ease. Plus, funny never hurts and the funniest thing about someone can be what they say about themselves.